Struggling, flailing, scratching, I clawed at his forearm, but I was a frail 18 year old and he a 6 feet huge guy. All I could do was look up through the shimmering tears at his distorted image. Finally, I gave up and just waited, unmoving, praying that it would not be very painful. But he would let go of my hair bunched up in is hand only to release a headache that felt like a million hammers on my head.
He was a family friend that my dad trusted as my protector, little did my father know of the things he could do to harm his lil girl. Until one day he slapped me and dragged me 2 floors and threw me down the stairs, with about a hundred people watching; there were security guards, employees, vendors, strangers in the office building ALL only mute spectators...but I was supposed to believe that it was all for love!
What does one do when "the protector" turns into a stalker...a pain inflicting stalker, pain at different levels ....In retrospect, it wasn't even a wake up call to reality like it was supposed to be instead I had to wrap my head around it cause he loved me so much that he could see nobody else near me...
I ran into him at a restaurant. He came over to me and my son. Shocked, I robotically stood and said hello, and answered his questions about my life. "I heard you are divorced and you have survived as a single mother and are doing well for yourself.," he said, "See? I guess all those many times I was tough on you paid off."
A fuse blew inside me. I was no longer in that situation and I could have easily said some very nasty things in front of his wife and lil girl to let them in to see a little bit of what he had caused to me when I was only 18. But my son touched my forearm gently, and as I turned to look at him, my eyes softened, and to my awareness reopened. I came back into myself.
"It is not what you wrongly did to me, but what I correctly grew within myself. It is not what you put me through that defined who I am. It is how I got through it that has made me the person I am today." As I said these words, I put money on the table and my son and I walked out.
Your coping skills you develop to combat and escape your traumatic circumstances are a credit to you and those who loved and supported you through them. You deserve the credit for being a survivor and a victor. Circumstances, or the people who cause them, do not deserve any gratitude for what they did to you.
Be grateful for the opportunity you created within yourself to grow. Certainly, you can feel gratitude that events and people happened in your life, because when they happened, you discovered within yourself that your resources are far greater than you had imagined them to be.
As Wayne Dyer writes, "With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself, or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow, or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose."
When you face a crisis, don't ask, "Why did this happen to me? Can I even get out of this?" Ask yourself, "What do I have to access which will resolve this challenge, and how can I grow from this despite it?" You can. You will. You choose.
He was a family friend that my dad trusted as my protector, little did my father know of the things he could do to harm his lil girl. Until one day he slapped me and dragged me 2 floors and threw me down the stairs, with about a hundred people watching; there were security guards, employees, vendors, strangers in the office building ALL only mute spectators...but I was supposed to believe that it was all for love!
What does one do when "the protector" turns into a stalker...a pain inflicting stalker, pain at different levels ....In retrospect, it wasn't even a wake up call to reality like it was supposed to be instead I had to wrap my head around it cause he loved me so much that he could see nobody else near me...
I ran into him at a restaurant. He came over to me and my son. Shocked, I robotically stood and said hello, and answered his questions about my life. "I heard you are divorced and you have survived as a single mother and are doing well for yourself.," he said, "See? I guess all those many times I was tough on you paid off."
A fuse blew inside me. I was no longer in that situation and I could have easily said some very nasty things in front of his wife and lil girl to let them in to see a little bit of what he had caused to me when I was only 18. But my son touched my forearm gently, and as I turned to look at him, my eyes softened, and to my awareness reopened. I came back into myself.
"It is not what you wrongly did to me, but what I correctly grew within myself. It is not what you put me through that defined who I am. It is how I got through it that has made me the person I am today." As I said these words, I put money on the table and my son and I walked out.
Your coping skills you develop to combat and escape your traumatic circumstances are a credit to you and those who loved and supported you through them. You deserve the credit for being a survivor and a victor. Circumstances, or the people who cause them, do not deserve any gratitude for what they did to you.
Be grateful for the opportunity you created within yourself to grow. Certainly, you can feel gratitude that events and people happened in your life, because when they happened, you discovered within yourself that your resources are far greater than you had imagined them to be.
As Wayne Dyer writes, "With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself, or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow, or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose."
When you face a crisis, don't ask, "Why did this happen to me? Can I even get out of this?" Ask yourself, "What do I have to access which will resolve this challenge, and how can I grow from this despite it?" You can. You will. You choose.
No comments:
Post a Comment