Shameful Pride!

Its almost been a year since I last wrote on my blog. I know I like to give myself hogwash and say "I don't have the time for that type of thing" when in reality it was my lack of interest! So In my attempt to get back to writing, I sat on my porch, watching the rain sipping on some bitter hot chocolate - ( that's another story, another day) and suddenly I found myself missing Austin and the life I had there.... some thoughts made me smile and some made me sad, but most of all they are all good memories that I can go back to anytime... I was always known for doing some really crazy things :) So here's one for you...

 

Have you ever experienced the feeling of shameful pride?

 

I first felt this emotional phenomenon in the presence of my great friend.  A friend of mine came to visit me in Austin, where I'd been studying design and teaching at the ACC with great ardor. We went to an Italian restaurant down 4th street. As I recall both the meal and service were quite excellent. Upon exiting the restaurant we were startled to find that an Eve 6 concert had sprung up during our meal. Neither of us had much appreciation for Eve 6. In fact, we rather hated them. Still, we were happy to see them live. My friend summed up the experience as "the first time I've ever felt shameful pride."

Later that night I got hungry. Wanting a nosh I drove to Taco Bell at 3:30 in the AM, ordering a Burrito and a Bacon Flavored Quesadilla. The guy behind the counter asked if I wanted any sauce. My reply was something to the effect that I'm too lazy to open sauce packets. He jokingly offered to open the sauces for me. I agreed. 

 

"Are you serious?"

"If it's not too much trouble. I'm sorry. I just can't pass this up."

He opened three sauce packets and handed them to me. I tried to read the labels and dropped one. I gave him a helpless look. He reciprocated with a decidedly not-so-merry laugh. I paused to emphasize my seriousness. He opened another packet, placing it in my palm. 

"Don't drop this one." Why? He would've given me another. I drove home, hoping to brag to my friends whenever I next met them. I pride myself on a library of bizarre human experiences that I share in moments of bliss hoping my friends will nod before reveling in the World's Weirdness....but that silly feeling of pride lasts until I remember that I am a mother, and that I am Woman that's way too classy for this! - Having said that - in my opinion, its ok to let some of this madness surface every once in a while!

The Taco Bell Packet Fiasco is a classic strange experience but falls short due to lack of innocence by those involved. Though proud of the packets I felt like a real douche as well.( See that's what I was talking about! I feel bad) On one hand I felt cool and cocky in a Ferris Bueller sort of way. On the other hand, I made a minimum-wage employee of Taco Bell open my sauce packets for me in exchange for a smile and a bit of playing dumb. It was outwardly manipulative and rude. The sort of thing a person shouldn't be proud of. The sort of thing Dan Lawlor lives for (he makes this a beautiful art form...just ask The Wacko). 

I still thought it was cool. 

 

Shameful pride.