As a Kids Church Leader and a Volunteer at school as a Child Counselor I have ample opportunity to observe parenting.
Recently, a parent was in with his toddler. As we were talking, the father corrected his toddler who immediately questioned and challenged his father. The father repeated his command to the toddler who then began to negotiate to modify the command. The father came back with a choice to either follow the command or be punished. The toddler was not ready to be overcome, so pulled out his best card. He started crying. Now it was the father who started to re-negotiate the terms of compliance to the command. It seems now the father would be satisfied if the child agreed not to break his command the next time. The father also encouraged the child to not cry and suggested he could get a lollipop if he was good the rest of the time in the office. The toddler quickly agreed and held up his part of the bargain by no longer crying (until he deemed crying necessary again of course). The command and correction the father originally gave was never again mentioned and the offered punishment was withdrawn as an option by simple omission.
My response to this exchange was to correct the father. When I pointed out to him that his original command was never obeyed and that he allowed his child to call the shots, I was met with...you guessed it...excuses and negotiations. No matter who is looking or where you are, it is important that your child receive a calm, consistent and confident response.
Calm is first and key. Expect your child to mess up! You know he will. So why do we act to angry and shocked when it happens? Expect the mistakes. Be ready to respond calmly. Don't change your mind. Be consistent. A child has to learn to trust you. It is much easy to deal with a parent who sticks to their word. If you say you are going to punish then do it! Don't say it if you don't intend to follow through and keep your word. Don't beg and negotiate with your child.
Parent with confidence. You are the authority. You have a precious gift from God. And as the keeper of this gift, you have the duty and God given responsibility to instruct and discipline.
Recently, a parent was in with his toddler. As we were talking, the father corrected his toddler who immediately questioned and challenged his father. The father repeated his command to the toddler who then began to negotiate to modify the command. The father came back with a choice to either follow the command or be punished. The toddler was not ready to be overcome, so pulled out his best card. He started crying. Now it was the father who started to re-negotiate the terms of compliance to the command. It seems now the father would be satisfied if the child agreed not to break his command the next time. The father also encouraged the child to not cry and suggested he could get a lollipop if he was good the rest of the time in the office. The toddler quickly agreed and held up his part of the bargain by no longer crying (until he deemed crying necessary again of course). The command and correction the father originally gave was never again mentioned and the offered punishment was withdrawn as an option by simple omission.
My response to this exchange was to correct the father. When I pointed out to him that his original command was never obeyed and that he allowed his child to call the shots, I was met with...you guessed it...excuses and negotiations. No matter who is looking or where you are, it is important that your child receive a calm, consistent and confident response.
Calm is first and key. Expect your child to mess up! You know he will. So why do we act to angry and shocked when it happens? Expect the mistakes. Be ready to respond calmly. Don't change your mind. Be consistent. A child has to learn to trust you. It is much easy to deal with a parent who sticks to their word. If you say you are going to punish then do it! Don't say it if you don't intend to follow through and keep your word. Don't beg and negotiate with your child.
Parent with confidence. You are the authority. You have a precious gift from God. And as the keeper of this gift, you have the duty and God given responsibility to instruct and discipline.
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